Winters Bath

Winter needed a bath, badly. So I decided the best course of action, seeing that it has been rainy and yucky outside, was to bath her in the tub. Now the tub isn't all that small and has those jacuzzi spouts in it that sprays water out in nice comforting jets. So my wild idea was to fill the bathtub up about halfway, turn on the shower and the jacuzzi to get her drenched down enough to shampoo her.

You see, in my little reality (here after known as Seth's world), everything works as I imagine it and in my imagination this whole thing went flawlessly and quick.

Now, the one thing about Winter is that she is EXTREMELY timid (of course in Seth's Word this was not a consideration I had taken into account) and doesn't like loud noises or any type of suprise (keep this in mind for later in the story).

So, I try and coax my puppy (who is about 70 pounds and about 64cm's tall. into the bathtub...she wasn't going for it. So I picked her up and placed her in the tub. Next, I started the water, nicly warm letting it rise up to about her belly (this was mistake #1). I used a measuring cup to pour the water onto her back and head, and then using the genius given to me at birth, I hit the Jacuzzi button and jets of warm water shot out of the tub impacting my now very startled dog (mistake # 2). My normally passive animal get's into a doggy karate stance (on two legs and tries to deke me out and jump out of the tub. Well, hell, I played hockey, there is no way in hell this is going to work....WRONG!! She out deked me and jumped out of the tub, water pouring off her all over the floor, she shakes and now there is water all over the ceiling and walls (dirty water I may add) and she is now in, "Don't touch me mode".

As quick thinking as I am I dive and slam the bathroom door shut heading off an even worse catastrophe. Winter knowing now that she is cornered decides to use some of her Dog-foo on me again and rushes me. I slip and fall and smack my arm on the tub (HARD). Winter is now clawing at the door in desperation, but I recover quickly and grab her and lift her back up into the tub. I quickly turn off the jacuzzi and she seems to settle down a bit.

Then deciding that I needed more water, I turn the shower on, water sprays down and nails my puppy in the face. Puppy freaks out again, but this time knowing i'm ready for some more dog-foo or dekeing out jumps straight into my arms and knocks me back on my ass, then i slowly tip over onto my back. I now have a very very wet 70 pound scared and moderately pissed off animal on my chest shaking more water on the ceiling and the walls.

So I push the animal off me, turn the shower off, and being the stubborn trooper I am, pick up the puppy and threw her back in the water. She sits there staring daggers into my soul as I apply the shampoo and wash her fur. (Mistake #3). You see, now I have a timid, scared, pissed off, SLIPPERY dog on my hands and obviously not considering this I grab her coller and once again turn on the shower to wash the soap off. (Mistake #4).

I'm not sure what happened after that...I vaguely remember something smashing into my chest and then a blinding light. I hear voices in the distance and stinging in my eyes. I'm sure somewhere's theirs an angel ready to take me away to a far happier land..but the beotch didn't appear to help me calm down a very freaked out animal that has shampoo dripping from every hair.

Now, if any of you have ever tried to grab a slippery animal in a tiled bathroom that has a half a foot of warm bath water in it. You will agree that it is a tad difficult. So I grabbed a towel, managed to get it around the dog and lifted her up to put her back in the tub to rinse her off...not grasping the fact that the tiled floor is now very slippery with shampoo and bath water.

Again....not sure at what point I did the double back flip half gainer onto the tiled floor but I came to my senses laying on my belly, face plush to a shampooy tiled floor and a 70 pound black lab sitting on my back with absolutely no intentions of getting off of me.

At this point, I did all that a man could do in my circumstances. I grabbed a leash, and led the dog down stairs, outside and into the rain to let it do the dirty work. Not considering the fact that my semi clean animal would roll around in the mud and run through the bushes. I admitted defeat, poured myself a stiff rum and coke and trekked towards the bathroom for the hour an a half it will take to clean it up.

All of this to save myself the gargantuan fee of $30 dollars to have her washed professionally.

Winter 1 Master 0

I shall have my revenge!!!

Seth.