Workout: Pain and Pleasure

So, as I have been doing I've been working out a bit when I have time. I started ramping it up a bit yesterday so that I'm walking 2km's in the morning with my dog on the nature trail, then another 3km's on the treadmill. I intersperse the walking on the treadmill with some jogging and trying to make that a bit less of an issue for me.

I've also started doing my situps and pushups, I can already make the Express Test requirements, but just barely, haha. I am one of those that is truly out of shape, I lose my breath running to the bathroom, let alone 13km forced marches..hehe.

So, basically for the next month I plan on doing the following to try and get me ready for basic:

3 reps of 25 situps (extending the amount/rep as I go)
3 reps of 25 pushups (extending the amount/rep as I go)
5km's Walking/Running

Weight Training
Biking (depending on the weather)

Hopefully that will allow me to not completely collapse on my first day after our 5:10am physical training.

My legs, arms, chest, and shoulders are already protesting the exercise but it also feels great and it's a nice feeling to have a bit more energy.

So...hopefully I stay motivated and do this. It's so very hard to make yourself go through this, even though you know you absolutely have to. I've let it go way to long when I should have been working out much more effectively earlier.

Well...here we go again...workout time.

Seth

The Offer and The Dates

Well, I finally got my offer to join the Military as a M.A.R.S. Officer. I accepted and will be sworn in on April 3rd. I will then be sent for my Phase I training (Basic) on April 26th and it starts the 27th.

I'm very excited about my new career choice, I'm excited about the opportunities that it presents to me and I'm excited that I'm finally excited again about something.

My previous jobs I excelled at but I always felt I was missing something in my life, some sense of accomplishment. Since I decided to join the military and I did the initial Aptitude tests, then the NOAB, and now the Offer...I have felt like I have made a huge accomplishment and it's just the beginning. I cannot wait to get my training over with so that I can get on with the actual job.

I'm looking forward to participating in a team environment and to meet those going through it with me.

I have also taken steps to offer an olive branch to my ex by agreeing to let the girls spend two months with her in Thunderbay, Ont. I think it would be great for the girls to finally get to visit their mom, and I trust that she is now in a state in which she can look after them as well.

This is really turning out to be a great year.

Reign O'er Me

I watched a movie tonight that I've never seen before, called Reign Over Me...and after the movie ended I felt terribly sad for the characters and for things that I had yet to deal with in my life too.

It took only a movie of such profound pain of the heart to make me fall and feel that pain anew for the umpteenth time. I can't count the number of times I've watched a movie or a tv program (Oprah) and just lost my cool and had tears in my eyes because something reminded me about issues that I haven't dealt with. I think everyone goes through these things too, that there are things in our lives that we regret and that we haven't worked through so we bury them deeply and forget about the...that is until something reminds us.

I'm 39 years old now, going on 40 this year...and for the past 17 years there have been many things that I have regretted and buried in my memories...so sometimes these things come out and they aren't fun to deal with.

I've decided that it's important for me to go and speak with someone about my feelings, and to try and deal with the pain of some of these memories.

I miss my brother...and I can't even write this without tears welling up in my eyes, I miss my ex and how she use to make me smile, despite the fact that life threw us a loop and things didn't work out, I miss her and what might have been and how our two little girls would have been raised with us still together.

I'm weak tonight because this movie affected me more than I thought one could...I thought I would take the time and type this up because my blog is my personal journey, and as unfortunate as it may be that I have to relate the sad part of my life here, well that's why I started this blog, to follow the journey, to follow my thoughts....I will have to continue to travel down this path until I have resolved my feelings towards the loss of my brother and the loss of my ex. Both have affected me with feelings of guilt and sorrow that it's very hard to deal with. But I have plodded on, I have done what I needed to bring up my two little girls...but by repressing those emotions, I think I have done myself a disservice and by doing so, I have done my daughters a disservice.

So...to Billy... I miss you buddy and I'm sorry for the ass I was as a brother to you...I'm sorry for all the bad things I've ever said to you, and I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me. I'll never forgive myself for not saving you.

To Julie...I'm sorry I wasn't the man that could help you become the person you needed to be, I'm sorry I couldn't fix the problems that we had or strong enough to find a way to make your life a happily ever after.

To myself: I forgive you.

- Robert

Reign O'er Me: The Who (remake: Pearl Jam)

"Only love Can make it rain
The way the beach is kissed by the sea
Only love Can make it rain
Like the sweat of lovers
Laying in the fields.

Love, Reign o'er me
Love, Reign o'er me, rain on me

Only love
Can bring the rain
That makes you yearn to the sky
Only love
Can bring the rain
That falls like tears from on high

Love Reign O'er me

On the dry and dusty road
The nights we spend apart alone
I need to get back home to cool cool rain
I can't sleep and I lay and I think
The night is hot and black as ink
Oh God, I need a drink of cool cool rain"

Time to Fire the School Board

I remember back when I was in school my favorite classes were Music, Science, and Math. I can remember being a hard to handle young lad more interested in socializing than learning about the days lessons. I was one of those kids that was intelligent but lacked the motivation to learn and would much rather play hooky than actually attend lectures. However, in my day if I didn't show up it wasn't just detention; I would receive a strap on the hand or stay after school and write on the board.

Times have definitely changed, and for the most part as far as discipline is concerned for the better. But as far as the teaching/learning environment I'd have to say that the school in our area, and from what I've heard it is endemic of the entire Canadian school system, they are certainly lacking.

My eldest daughter is in grade 8 now, she can hardly spell, her mental math is atrocious, she's reading at two levels below her grade. She has absolutely no interest in going to school at all, she doesn't like her teachers, she finds it very difficult to concentrate (she has ADHD) and she really just doesn't care. As a parent, I'm in touch with the teachers and principle about her situation and I'm working with her nightly to try and keep her caught up.

Well, I'm shell shocked now. When we are at home doing her work, she seems to pick things up rather efficiently. She can write and read well enough from what I can tell (reading novels that I do) and her math seems to be ok as well. Her mental math does need work though (times table memorization) but all in all nothing as drastic as what I've been told. I am rapidly finding that if I teach her something at home, it tends to stick, if I test her here at home she does very well, if I ask her to reason out a problem I've given her she does very well at that. I'm starting to think that this isn't so much her problem as the way she is being taught. I decided to speak with a friend of mine that home schools her children and it just floored me. Her children are 3 grades above where they should be if they were in a public school. This boggled my mind so I went and spoke to some other parents that home school their children and I found out that their children are also way ahead of the learning curve. So what the heck is up with our public school system? Why are our children falling behind like this and where is the school board in all of this...don't they measure these things to be sure that our children are actually learning in the schools?

My main concern is what the heck are they doing in class to teach these kids? I mean she is coming home now with up to 2 - 3 hours of homework. They have almost no extra curricular activities, her music and computer classes are abysmal, and there doesn't seem to be too much emphasis on arts.

As a single parent I just cannot afford that kind of a time commitment to home school my children, even though I know that she would learn much better in that situation. There are 30+ students in one class and I can't imagine how hard that is on the Teachers. Oh, and let me be blunt here, I am not in anyway blaming our Teachers for this problem. I think that for the most part they are all very overworked and underpaid, but the buck has to stop somewhere and unfortunately, they are the ones at the front lines. Someone has to step up and take responsibility for the education of our children. The parents have a huge role as well, but our ability to affect change is very limited, our ability to involve ourselves is also limited due to many considerations (jobs, responsibilities, bills..etc).

I honestly think it's time parents banded together and fired those on our School boards to send a message that it's time to wake up and look at the education that our children are getting. These children are our future, and it would be a pretty sad future if our next Prime Minister can't read.

Day 7: NOAB - Goodbyes and Flights

Although we didn't have near as much time to meet everyone and to get to know those that were there, we did meet most and a better bunch of people I couldn't have dreamed to have met. There were so many different backgrounds, people from all over the country, and all of us bonded by a unique experience and the success of a very stressful event. We swapped emails and facebook information and chatted and talked as much as we could before everyone left.

We were the last to board our flights and all went well on the way back until we reached Halifax. There was a huge snowstorm in Fredericton and the runway was a mess, so they cancelled our flight and the next wasn't available for two days. So we all gathered up and rented a car to go back to Fredericton. We ended up losing one of our party as we were rushing to the rental agency and we eventually had to leave without him. I felt terrible about that, but after looking for him and trying to find him we had no time left.

I arrived home and hugged my girls and told them all about the experience. Before I knew it I was fast asleep fully dressed on my bed.

This experience was full of all sorts of emotions, events, excitement, and stress. I would do it all again in a second.

Day 5 - 6 : NOAB - MOST (Maritime Officer Selection Test)

Well the time had finally arrived for us to do our MOST. Let me tell you that this was the most dreaded moment for all of us. Most of the group that had been there before us had already done it and so we heard the horror stories and blank faces of those that had come out of it.

We were actually lucky because as we arrived to do the test we were informed that our small group didn't have to write them until the next day. So it left that day pretty much open to us to rest and go through the meet and greets in the Gun room. Of course it was just delaying the inevitable, hehe.

Day 6:

7am: Our Turn for the MOST test. We are nervous as hell as the instructions for the exam are being read aloud to us and we all look as if we are about to run out of the room, haha.

Obviously, I can't talk about what was in the test at all but I will say this...it can't be studied for. It's not something that you can review for. All that you could do is practice some mental math and get a good nights sleep.

We finished the MOST exam and we walked to the gun room. As we arrived at the Gun Room the rest of the group was milling about, this was the end of the testings, interviews, and selection. The groups were being called up to be told whether or not they were to be given an offer or not. This was by far the most stressful period of the entire thing for us. We all felt very rushed and unprepared for everything that we were put through.

When our time came we were taken upstairs and we waited with others for our fate. When my turn arrived, I took a deep breath, straightened my back and walked into the room.

I was asked if I was sure that the Navy was where I wanted to spend my career. I responded, "Yes Sir...very much so." The officer looked at me dead pan, then smiled, and said, "Then congratulations son, you made it." He handed me a paper with some instructions on it and they all took turns shaking my hand.

I had tears in my eyes and I walked out absolutely stunned that I had made the selection. The group gathered around and congratulated me, shook my hand, and pats on the back. The stress, anxiety, tension, and worry faded away as it slowly dawned on me that I had succeeded. My entire group passed the selection and we were just ecstatic about it.

We waited to speak with the recruitment officer to find out when our Basic would start, and other information. Once that was completed we joined the rest of the group downstairs and were congratulated and gave congrats to those that passed. There were several that did not pass and I made sure to take the time to go over and speak with those that were there.

Once we had a few drinks and swapped stories with the officers and NCM's we went for lunch and then were told we were going to be given a tour of the HCMS Ottawa. I was extremely excited to get to go aboard and see the guts of the ship. It was an incredible experience.

The rest of the day was spent packing: Oh yes, we had finally received our clothes late the previous evening.

This was a day I will never forget.

Day 4: NOAB - Flight Out Nightmare Part II

We received a call from our liaison stating that we would be catching a flight to out at 6am on our Day 4. I'm already packed so and ready to go so the excitement starts to build.

I wake up at 4am and get to the airport for 5:15am. I had the tickets for us so I met my group at the airport, gave them their itineraries and off we went to catch our flight.

The weather was bad again and our flight was delayed due to the de-icing of the plane. So when we arrived in Montreal our connection was boarding. Just a quick note on our landing in Montreal: We hit an air pocket and dropped about 20 feet, which scared the hell out of us, and then as we approached the runway we were caught in a crosswind and the plane was heaving left and right, our landing was very hard and scary as hell. When we got into the terminal we were informed that we were going to miss this flight due to baggage issues and late arrival and that the next flight out was at 17:30 that night. So, we had roughly 9-10 hours to kill in the busy airport. So, we killed off time by taking a taxi into Dorval to eat breakfast and possibly find something to do. The taxi cost for a 4 minute ride was 15 bucks and that kind of set the trend for the cost of everything else. We ended back at the airport and decided to sit down and relax and have a beer. Cost: 10.99 each. So, that idea was thrown out the window, and we just ended up lounging around the airport waiting for our flight.

Tired and cranky we boarded our flight to Vancouver and off we went. The flight was roughly 5 hours long and uneventful, then from there we took a quick puddle jump to Victoria where we were quick to find out that our luggage had been lost. We were given lost baggage tags and went on our way to the WP Venture barracks where we finally were able to get into our rooms and shower. There was no point sleeping as we arrived at roughly 3:30am and we had to be up for our breakfast for 6:30am.

After breakfast we were scheduled to do our Interviews with the Board Members. So we waited as groups as we were ushered into a room with high ranking Naval Officers. The interview lasted for about 15 minutes or so as they threw some questions at us and observed us answering. At this point, I just want to express my complete and utter respect for these men and the jobs they have to do. They were extremely friendly, gave us all a chance to ask questions, and even joked with us about our nightmare flight down.

The interview shook me a bit because I was so tired and I wasn't sure that my answers were being given clear enough. Shortly after the interviews were over we gathered for some tours. We toured the Naval Clearance Divers area and listened to a quick brief by the CO (who was one of the toughest men I've ever seen in my life) and how much he enjoys "blowing shit up" hehe. I was extremely impressed by the actual jobs that they do and by how well regarded they are in the world for their training and expertise. We saw some of the equipment that they used, the ships they used, and even some stories on what it was they did.

Afterwards we visited the Damage Control training center, where we were given another brief and then shown through some of the actual training rooms. This was just so cool it was hard to explain. The fire training rooms were awesome, and we were placed in one and then they lit it up. We then saw the flood training room, the bio/chem/nuclear training equipment and rooms, and then for the icing on the cake we watched a mock up helicopter on fire....soooo impressive.

Then it was back to the barracks for supper and a night out with the group. It was a very exhilarating day for us.

Oh...and still no baggage. So going on a 2nd day in the same clothes.

Day 2-3: NOAB

These days were spent waiting for a call and information as to what would be happening with us. We had heard that we would go on the next NOAB and then a few hours later that they are still trying to get a flight out for us. Meanwhile, the rest of the candidates were already there and enjoying the tours, meals, and getting to know each other.

I'm a bit deflated by the fact that we are missing out on that camaraderie because these are the folks that we will most likely be going through the ranks with.

So, until more information comes our way....waiting.

Day 1 - Flight Out Nightmare (NOAB)

Well, my excitement quickly came to and end on Saturday when I was waiting for my flight out of Fredericton to Toronto to begin my Naval Officer Assessment Board adventure.

As luck would have it Fredericton was hit by a very nasty snow storm and the flight was cancelled. I just shook my head and repeated, "Figures!".

Once I heard the announcement I filed out with the rest of the travellers and decided to have the other 3 candidates paged so that we could, as a group, decide our best next course of action. I took down everyone's contact information for the exception of one lady that had already left and contacted our liaison in BC. We never heard back from anyone about the cancelled flight, or to just relay that they were aware of the situation until 10pm the next evening. Something I thought was a tab bit odd, however it was on a weekend and not too many people check their voice messages or work emails on a weekend in the Military. It was a relief to finally hear from our liaison and to know the situation was being worked on.

I took the initiative to call our flight agent and have them find us the next possible itinerary to get us to Victoria before the third day, that was worked out and I sent an email to our contact point here more or less to give them a frame of reference of what was available at the time.

I found out today (2 days later) that for the 4 of us things will probably be delayed and we will be rescheduled to attend the next NOAB. They weren't sure when this would be but he stated it would most likely be a few months at the very least, which certainly puts some difficult decisions in my way.

I'm currently in a holding pattern now waiting for the final decision.

In a small way I'm glad that this happened as it will give me more time to get into better physical shape as well as review some of my Math/English skills for the MOST (Maritime Officer Selection Test) as well as prepare more for the eventuality of my actually passing. This all happened very quickly in my case as I was only notified a week before my orders to attend the NOAB were issued. I hadn't even realized there was another Aptitude type test required, as well as several interviews and presentations.

Although, I'm very confident now that I'm a decent candidate after doing a bit more research, I'm still anxious about the whole process.

Until we find out what is going.... (To be Continued....)

-Seth