Wow, again another long period of time passes before I start publishing to my blog again. First I have to say that the past 7 months have been added to the the top three worst years in my life.
I was laid off, I went through two relationships that didn't work out for various reasons, my car had a head gasket go and will cost roughly 1300 to fix, my daughter broke her arm, I had my gall bladder removed, Xmas will be very slim this year, and I lost a few close friends.
I have also drudged up quite a few old memories of the murder of my brother which was very difficult to do but also a bit therapeutic and necessary. I spoke with one of the investigators from that period and we emailed back and forth about the events that led up to and past the time of the murder. The course cases, the cover up by the Canadian Military because it was a French - English racism topic that the gov't didn't want Canada to hear about because of the stresses that referendum talk was having on the public.
So last month I sat down and I decided that life isn't going to run me over without a fight. I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands and to get out of the path I had been following. My first decision was career wise.
Career Decision: Over the past 15 years I have been in IT, I have worked for several companies some large and some small. I have always moved up the ladder when I switched companies and I have always excelled at my positions. Recently I began working with a smaller company out of Mississauga, Ont and things were apparent very early that it wasn't a good fit for me. I won't go into reasons why but let's say that the management system needed some work. After a year of working there it was pretty well known that my feelings about the company were very negative, I didn't want to be there, and when the opportunity came up I took a lay-off. I was very confident that i could find another position very quickly. However, 6 months later and I'm still looking. There are many jobs available but nothing within my area that would be worth pursuing. I didn't want to have to uproot the girls, move, find babysitters, apartment searching, and a host of other things at that time.
So my decision was to join the Air Force as an ATIS tech. It's a spec trade which means advanced promotion and pay as well as being something that will use my IT background. I passed the aptitude test with flying colors and my interview went very well. I'm on to the medical check and if that works out, I'm in. I will go to my 10 week basic training in early Jan or late Dec. I'm in the poorest shape of my life, but I've been told it won't be an issue, they make you get back into shape, lol.
Relationship Decision: I dated two ladies over the last year, one I miss very much but she lives in Bathurst and it was just too far for us to commute to keep things going. The other more recently was just a disaster and I'm actually glad it's over. Mainly for the safety of my girls than anything.
I have decided that I'm going to take a break from dating for awhile until I have my life worked out better, my own apartment/house, and to allow my girls to mature a bit more before they start meeting those I'm dating. My girls have a tendency to become quickly attached to people and it hurts them if things don't work out.
Outlook Decision: My outlook on life over the past year has changed dramatically. I have gone from being a happy, caring, humorous, and loving person to someone who is completely jaded on Life, Religion, Politics, and People. I have distanced myself from many of those I once called friends for varying number of reasons and with some I feel the justification for doing so is still sound. However, for those that I distanced myself from that was due to my hiding behind a mask of self-hate and depression, I have written to and apologized in my own way. I do so because it's the way i can move forward without having guilt about decisions made in haste or for the wrong reasons.
I have vowed to start being positive about life again, giving people the benefit of the doubt, and to get out more. To enjoy life again.
Allot has changed for me over the past years, my life has been one big pile of nonsensical crap and it all stems from the major events in my life never having been dealt with properly by me. I have been an emotional wreck for over 10 years. The death of my brother, the loss of someone I cared for deeply, the break up of a relationship to someone that I deeply loved, the battle for my children, and the list goes on. I needed help dealing with these issues and I never took the time to get it. That changed recently and it is really going a long way to help me cope with my emotions. No wonder I couldn't watch a sad show without balling my eyes out.
So, with these goals and the life plan I have set out I will battle on. Hopefully, the next year will bring some peace, love, and understanding my way. If not, then at least I'll know I went down fighting.
Me.
I was laid off, I went through two relationships that didn't work out for various reasons, my car had a head gasket go and will cost roughly 1300 to fix, my daughter broke her arm, I had my gall bladder removed, Xmas will be very slim this year, and I lost a few close friends.
I have also drudged up quite a few old memories of the murder of my brother which was very difficult to do but also a bit therapeutic and necessary. I spoke with one of the investigators from that period and we emailed back and forth about the events that led up to and past the time of the murder. The course cases, the cover up by the Canadian Military because it was a French - English racism topic that the gov't didn't want Canada to hear about because of the stresses that referendum talk was having on the public.
So last month I sat down and I decided that life isn't going to run me over without a fight. I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands and to get out of the path I had been following. My first decision was career wise.
Career Decision: Over the past 15 years I have been in IT, I have worked for several companies some large and some small. I have always moved up the ladder when I switched companies and I have always excelled at my positions. Recently I began working with a smaller company out of Mississauga, Ont and things were apparent very early that it wasn't a good fit for me. I won't go into reasons why but let's say that the management system needed some work. After a year of working there it was pretty well known that my feelings about the company were very negative, I didn't want to be there, and when the opportunity came up I took a lay-off. I was very confident that i could find another position very quickly. However, 6 months later and I'm still looking. There are many jobs available but nothing within my area that would be worth pursuing. I didn't want to have to uproot the girls, move, find babysitters, apartment searching, and a host of other things at that time.
So my decision was to join the Air Force as an ATIS tech. It's a spec trade which means advanced promotion and pay as well as being something that will use my IT background. I passed the aptitude test with flying colors and my interview went very well. I'm on to the medical check and if that works out, I'm in. I will go to my 10 week basic training in early Jan or late Dec. I'm in the poorest shape of my life, but I've been told it won't be an issue, they make you get back into shape, lol.
Relationship Decision: I dated two ladies over the last year, one I miss very much but she lives in Bathurst and it was just too far for us to commute to keep things going. The other more recently was just a disaster and I'm actually glad it's over. Mainly for the safety of my girls than anything.
I have decided that I'm going to take a break from dating for awhile until I have my life worked out better, my own apartment/house, and to allow my girls to mature a bit more before they start meeting those I'm dating. My girls have a tendency to become quickly attached to people and it hurts them if things don't work out.
Outlook Decision: My outlook on life over the past year has changed dramatically. I have gone from being a happy, caring, humorous, and loving person to someone who is completely jaded on Life, Religion, Politics, and People. I have distanced myself from many of those I once called friends for varying number of reasons and with some I feel the justification for doing so is still sound. However, for those that I distanced myself from that was due to my hiding behind a mask of self-hate and depression, I have written to and apologized in my own way. I do so because it's the way i can move forward without having guilt about decisions made in haste or for the wrong reasons.
I have vowed to start being positive about life again, giving people the benefit of the doubt, and to get out more. To enjoy life again.
Allot has changed for me over the past years, my life has been one big pile of nonsensical crap and it all stems from the major events in my life never having been dealt with properly by me. I have been an emotional wreck for over 10 years. The death of my brother, the loss of someone I cared for deeply, the break up of a relationship to someone that I deeply loved, the battle for my children, and the list goes on. I needed help dealing with these issues and I never took the time to get it. That changed recently and it is really going a long way to help me cope with my emotions. No wonder I couldn't watch a sad show without balling my eyes out.
So, with these goals and the life plan I have set out I will battle on. Hopefully, the next year will bring some peace, love, and understanding my way. If not, then at least I'll know I went down fighting.
Me.
Powered by ScribeFire.
2 comments:
Glad you're blogging again and still stumbling through life. It's a pity the past year has been rough but that must mean you're in for a good one now ;-)
stay strong and some of us can take lessons from that. im sure the ones you spoke to understand and hopefully they'll be back in your life. good luck in basic. ill miss ya while your gone. and the girls will be ok. they love you very much.
Post a Comment